Happy Halloween!
10.31.05 (7:16 am) [edit]
For the first time in years, I carved a pumpkin this year. I made up the design itself. Not sure what tonights plans are, but I'm sure I'll have fun.
Here's a pic of the pumpkin and Pharoah. . .
I'm dressing up as a devil girl all day. Fitting, no? Maybe I'll post pics of that later.
What are y'all dressing up as?
Ghosts
10.24.05 (9:48 am) [edit]
It's funny how our minds and memories serve us in order that we keep certain things, places and/or people close to our hearts. We can remember how to get to a place we'd only walked to long before we could drive ourselves. As we see places, we remember what used to be where, who used to live where.
I took a drive out to where I grew up.
The house where I used to live still stands. It looks mighty different now than it did when I lived there. The paint outside is now yellow instead of white with crayon drawings on the garage. There's now a swing set in the back yard that wasn't there before.
The neighborhood has changed too. It's not as safe as it once was and houses have been built or remodeled. And, of course, the same people don't live around there. Some people still do. But very few. You can tell who lives there by the signs on the mailboxes.
I took the freeway over there. It's been raining a lot lately. The mist and fog made the whole world seem dreamy, as if in some sort of fantasy long forgotten. Rainy days are the most nostalgic for me. For some reason most of my memories from my life are in the rain.
I got off at the exit and went up the street that leads there. The donut shop on the corner a few blocks away is now a Money Lender office. The 7-11 and the florist is still there, however.
I kept driving.
Pass the school that had the large field behind it where people used to bring their dogs and my father used to try and teach me how to ride a bike.
Finally, I turned onto the street. For a moment, it was as if time had stopped and I was home again. The first few houses were unchanged. A little further and there was my house.
Changed, just as I'd mentioned. I looked across the street. The huge palm tree was still there. During a lightning storm when I was a small child, that tree had swayed in the howling winds. Through the blinds in my parents' room where I was huddled in their bed, afraid of the thunder, I had seen it and thought it would fall on someone's house because it's sway was so violent.
The house that the palm was in front of was still the same blue. There were no Halloween decorations. The couple that had lived there before would always put up a haunted house with lots of amazing decorations in their front yard. I was always amazed at how cool their display had been. Now, no longer. They had moved out many years ago shortly after my family sold our house.
Slowly cruising past, I looked back on the side of the street where my house was. I gazed at it for a moment. Then looked next-door. The Cliffs still lived there, or so it said on her mailbox. Her husband had been a diabetic. He'd died before we moved. She was living alone last I heard, but her son moved back to take care of her after Walter had gone.
The next house was the one where the old lady with the cats had lived. Her house looked the same, but she must have been dead by now because she was ancient when I was a child. The cat towers and ramp for her wheelchair remained. There were no cats to speak of. Things looked a lot cleaner than it had when I lived around there. No, the woman must be gone.
Across from that house was the house where the wife had committed suicide. I don't remember how she'd done it. I think she did it in response to her husband leaving her. But I might be mistaken. I just remember the ambulances on that street long ago. I remember my mother talking about it and how sad it was.
U-turn. Back past just for one more look.
Then I went back on the surface streets. I took the way that I used to walk to synagogue when I was a kid. On the way, I passed the street where my Great Aunt Sope used to live. I took a detour past that. Same feelings like when I past my house. This time, I missed her too. She died almost 5 years ago. She went crazy a bit of a while before that. My mother used to bring us kids there to see her. Now she was gone and someone else lived there.
Back on track, I finished the route and was back where I'd started.
Why was it that all this made me want to weep for a moment? I wanted to sit and cry in the arms of my mother (though I was alone in the car) as if I were still a child seeking her protection. I missed those days. I missed who I used to be. I miss living there.
For anyone who has seen the movie Garden State, there's this scene where Andrew Largeman says to Sam, "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone." Sam replies, "I still feel at home in my house."
And that's when Andrew Largeman says "You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
And so I went back and haunted that imaginary place that still haunts me. I went back like a ghost from long ago looking for my old life.
But the truth is, no matter what you really can never go home again.
'ROAD APARTHEID' DEBUNKED
10.21.05 (2:49 pm) [edit]
On Sunday (Oct. 16), Palestinian terrorists killed three young Israelis in a drive-by terrorist shooting in the West Bank (pictured at right). In response to pointed warnings of more attacks of this type, the IDF imposed restrictions on Palestinian traffic on certain West Bank roads.Though the road closures were temporary and aimed at preventing further loss of life, several media outlets quickly spun this story in a different direction ― suggesting they are part of a larger Israeli plan to implement 'road apartheid' in the West Bank. The Guardian stated:
The Israeli military has blocked Palestinians from driving on the main artery through the West Bank in a first step towards what Israeli human rights groups say is total "road apartheid" being enforced throughout the occupied territory.
The New York Times also quoted a Palestinian official making the 'road apartheid' claim, and The Scotsman said:
On the ground, the condition of Palestinian civilians seems to be deteriorating further... Israel is moving ahead with plans to make permanent a ban on Palestinian use of main roads in the West Bank.
Two falsities are disseminated with these media-driven claims:
1) Israel is not 'moving ahead' with plans to 'permanently ban' Palestinian traffic on West Bank roads. What has occurred ― in the wake of Sunday's shooting and the many others that preceded it ― is further discussion of a how separate road systems might make the West Bank safer for travel, given the ongoing threat of drive-by terrorist fire. Such discussions are always conducted while balancing the humanitarian concerns to peaceful Palestinians.
2) The term 'apartheid' is once again, absurdly brought into the context of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. HonestReporting previously provided a side-by-side comparison of the two situations that debunked the association vis-a-vis the security fence. That comparison is just as relevant here. And as former US Mideast negotiator Dennis Ross stated in an op-ed this week:
Yasir Arafat loved to equate the Palestinian struggle for statehood with the struggle of South Africans against apartheid, but his was always a false analogy. In South Africa, less than 15 percent of the population controlled all the power and wealth and subjected the other 85 percent to a degrading, inhuman and segregated existence...
Compare that to the Palestinian movement for self-determination. Arabs today remain a minority in the area that encompasses Israel, the West Bank and Gaza. To be sure, given demographic trends, Jews will become a minority in that area within this decade, but even by 2050, Arabs would outnumber Jews by only 60 percent to 40 percent.
The international community supports a two-state solution because it recognizes that there are two national movements with populations in rough equality. That was never the case in South Africa.
As Israel continues to consider methods of protecting its citizenry from Palestinian terror, HonestReporting encourages subscribers to be on the lookout in your local media for unfounded claims of West Bank 'apartheid roads', and respond with the facts if they appear.
Last Night
10.20.05 (8:57 am) [edit]
Went to the 311 concert last night.
After which my friend and I booked it to Margareta Rocks. I had a good time. Didn't drink too much this time. Only had half a Sol. Danced with this guy whos a DJ on the local radio station. My friend does promotions for another Clear Channel station & she knows everyone at the stations. This guy was really sweet, down to earth, seemingly intelligent, and cute. And after I got home, I felt guilty about dancing and talking to him.
Why?
Things, as I mentioned, havn't been great in paradise. My boyfriend and I were together, then we weren't sure if we were going to stay that way, then we decided to stay that way and work on the issues we've been having within the relationship. He didn't want to come out with us last night though because he had to work the next day. So I went out with my friends and had a great time. So I feel guilty because I had a good time without him and flirted with another guy.
When I got home I called him and told him about it. He just smirked and thought the whole thing was funny that I felt that guilty over what he thought was nothing. Either that or he just wanted to go to sleep and didn't care.
The past couple of months I've felt numb. I knew in the back of my head that I love him, but yet I visualize life without him and don't allow my feelings for him to emerge pretty much at all most of the time because I just don't want to get hurt again. Is that even normal?
So when I went to bed last night I was visualizing going on a date with the DJ. And I felt even more guilty. I don't want to break it off with the boyfriend, but I want to feel loved and respected by him. Everything has become very stale and unexciting with us. The prospects of entering a new relationship gave me that butterfly feeling I've been missing.
And the whole thing makes me feels sick!
Got Quotes?!?!?!?!?
10.17.05 (9:19 am) [edit]
You may have seen the quotes generator that I have to the right here on my blog.
I love quotes, you see. Whenever I get the chance, I find one and add it to that library over there.
Now, for the first time at the lair, you can do it too!
If you click on "B'Emes" and scroll down to the bottom of the page that it takes you to, you now have the option to add a new quote, saying, or any other kind of wit or wisdom that you simply love!
I look forward to reading all of them!
A Jewish Poem
10.17.05 (8:55 am) [edit]
The below came to me in an email from a Mr. Paul Palnik. I'm assuming he wrote it because he didn't site any other writer. It was simply titled, "A Jewish Poem." I thought it was beautiful and an excellent peice to read at the head of this new year!
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. :)
By the way, if anyone ever wants to send in something that they find interesting or questions or comments; any at all really. Especially things that you'd like me to post, please feel free to send me an email. As always my email is provided at the top right hand corner of my blog. I always love to get stuff from readers! :)
[line]
sayeth
The Holy King of Eternity.
I shall no more be found,
in her midst.
I the Sacred and Holy,
will become
the dream of fools,
and the quaint folk lore of the
simple, ignorant and deluded.
And when the people call out to Me,
I will no more hear them.
I will be gone from them,
because they have given
My Holy Land,
and
My Houses of Torah,
to those who hate
My Name.
If you forget Me Oh Israel,
My Name
will be taken from your soul,
and I The Lord
will become for you
meaningless,
mute,
blind,
dead,
nothing,
an accident,
a myth,
a fairytale,
a lie.
Yet,
If Israel remembers Me,
sayeth Elohim,
I will sound the great Shofar of Freedom.
My Creative Light
will shine from Zion.
The Torah will be freely studied and joyfully practiced,
Dancers will dance and singers will sing.
The arts will flourish and bloom,
like the golden, fragrant honey suckle,
in My garden,
under the cool, radiant, blue, sky,
and warm, bright, yellow, sun.
Stories will be written and told.
Music will fill the land.
True Knowledge will grow forever.
The scientists will discover
and endlessly learn.
Athletes will realize excellence.
Humanity will breathe justice,
and all children safe,
happy, healthy, creative
and free.
The nations will sing,
Come Ye, Come Ye,
Let us go up to
The House of The King,
to learn from
The Mighty Creator,
The Holy One of Israel.
Let us sit in peaceful brotherhood,
hearing the word of The Lord,
from His Temple in Jerusalem.
And The Light of Israel
blazed forth.
And all men and women,
even the children,
were given eyes
to see...
and hearts to understand,
The Eternal, Creative, Spirit of Israel.
Because they have remembered
Me.
Sayeth,
YUD
HAY
VUV
HAY,
The Creator of Heaven and Earth
The Eternal Judge of mankind.
Ha Kadosh Boruch Hu.
[i][b]Paul Palnik
Palnik Studios [/b][/i]
Of Bull Terriers And Men
10.16.05 (9:16 am) [edit]
With the recent revelation that (in life) we are all alone, I've been thinking more and more about getting another pet. You may be alone in life, but who said it had to be lonely? At most recent count I have a cat and two mice, as may people may remember from my picture postings. Since my apartment is a bit more lonely these days, I thought what a wonderful thing it would be to get a dog.
But what kind of dog?
Personally, I love big dogs. It is very hard for me to deal with small, excitable, yippee little dogs. It's just a question of temperament, really. Problem is, I live in an apartment. It really wouldn't be fair to ask a dog like, say, a beautiful german shepard/boarder collie mix to live in a one bedroom flat in the city. So what could I get? Perhaps something in between a little Chihuahua and the former. It would have to be well-mannered, good with cats, and size appropriate.
That's when I was watching the Eukanuba Tournament of Champions Dog Show on Animal Planet (one of my favourite shows) and it came to me: the Bull Terrier! For those of you not sure what that is, remember Spuds Mckenzie from the 1987 Bud Light Superbowl Ad? He was a Bull Terrier. An exemplary specimen at that, too.
Bull Terriers are beautiful dogs. They are smart and good with children (including other children that go meow). Bull Terriers are not good outside dogs. One: they do not have a substantially enough coat to endure long periods of temperature extremes. Second: A Bull Terrier is still a terrier and might take up the habit of digging up your backyard. Third: Bull Terriers are often stolen, leaving your Bull Terrier in your backyard all the time is just waiting to become the possession of some undesirable low life.
Bull Terriers can live in an apartment as long as you are able to provide adequate exercise and activity for your dog. They are smart and independent minded. Bit of a challenge to train. They love people. Having one as a guard dog isn't a good idea. But they'll definitely let you know if there is an intruder. That intruder might get taken down by licks, however.
Bull Terriers can range is size and weight. The average for a female Bull Terrier is any where from 18 to 22 inches tall and 45 to 60 lbs. The average for a male Bull Terrier is any where from 20 to 24 inches tall and 50 to 70 lbs. As you can see there is a wide range. Females are usually smaller. There are such cases of 80 lb male Bull Terriers.
Should I get one from a breeder? In my opinion, I don't breed or buy while shelter pets die. I also am not so puffed up that I must find myself a purebred. Being a bit of a mutt myself, I like the idea of variation in genetics. Makes for a heartier, smarter, and stronger creature.
So now I'm on a quest. I'm keeping my eyes open for my future pet. I hope I am lucky enough to find what I'm looking for. :)
Updates and Corrections
10.10.05 (9:23 am) [edit]
A few short updates on recent media monitoring activity: In response to HR subscribers' complaints, CNN updated its report to include: 'The Palestinian Authority announced that the blast was an accident, and was not Israel's responsibility.' HonestReporting has ascertained that a celebration scene did in fact take place following this IDF exercise. We remain perplexed by the lack of supporting information in this AP article ― and AP's general refusal to cover jubilant Palestinian celebrations of outright terrorist murder ― and we thank HR subscribers who joined us in the inquiry of this event. ● See also: Panel to scrutinize BBC Mideast coverage (from BackSpin, HonestReporting's daily blog) ● Jewish power, especially financial power, closes off debate about the Middle East in Australia. ● See also: 'The Age' Newspaper Study (.pdf) 
● CNN: HonestReporting's Sept. 27 communique noted a CNN report on a deadly Gaza explosion omitted the Palestinian Authority's acknowledgement that Hamas ― not Israel ― was to blame for the blast. The omission was particularly problematic since Hamas used the explosion as a pretext for a new round of anti-Israel missile attacks. 
● AP: HR's Sept. 27 communique also raised questions regarding an Associated Press report on IDF soldiers celebrating a successful training mission. 
● BBC: BBC2 TV is beginning a three-part series entitled 'Israel and the Arabs: Elusive Peace'. UK media monitors (including at least three HR subscribers) saw the following description of Part 1 on the BBC website: The story of how Israel's Prime Minister Ehud Barak persuaded President Clinton to devote his last 18 months in office to helping make peace with Yasser Arafat. But Barak got cold feet twice. Then Ariel Sharon took a walk around Jerusalem's holiest mosques, and peace making was over.
The activists wrote to the BBC, explaining that blaming Barak and Sharon for Oslo's demise is inaccurate and tendentious (at best). BBC acknowledged the error by changing the wording to: The story of how Israel's Prime Minister Ehud Barak persuaded President Clinton to devote his last 18 months in office to helping make peace with Yasser Arafat. But after tense negotiations the deal was never made.
Nearly all parties agree that the 'deal was never made' due to Arafat's intransigence. Will BBC's program acknowledge that? This show airs tonight ― if you receive BBC2, be sure to monitor the series, and send us your feedback: action@honestreporting.com. 
A new report in the Jewish Political Studies Review finds Australian media coverage of Israel remains strongly biased in favor of the Palestinian narrative. Tzvi Fleischer finds that the British media's anti-Israel bias has a way of seeping 'down under' via syndication, and notes some outright anti-Semitic themes in Australian media, including these claims:
● Israel is a demonically evil or Nazi state and the source of most of the world's problems.
● U.S. policy is the result of Jewish neoconservatives.
● Anti-Semitism results from Jewish activities and behavior, especially support for Israel.
Babblings: As The New Year Begins . . . A New Life Awaits . . .
10.06.05 (9:12 am) [edit]
This was probably the best Rosh HaShanah I've had in a long time. Despite all the things that have been happening lately in my personal life and all of the difficulties I've had to overcome of late.
As things start over again, in more ways than one, I am left thinking and pondering God.
Perhaps I've just been going through a crisis of faith. Perhaps my faith is renewed right now. What I came to realize is that I have to stop being so hard on myself. Religion is not a social hour. It's a personal connection between you and God. I always heard that and I always understood it, or at least thought that I did.
What I think part of what was really happening was I was listening to a lot of people who were judgemental of me and using their words as if it was from God. I thought that since they must know more than I, then they must be right and their ideas of how I should conduct myself and view the world should be the way. For so long, I have been living my life for other people. I've been living for my friends, my family, and most of all my boyfriend.
I guess I never really realized how I had come to be so following and so trusting of people who claimed to be my friends. How trusting I'd been of people in general. I just never knew it. I pride myself on being so giving. But I can't extend myself like that now.
This is not to say that all of my friends are hauty, overly pius people with judgmental issues. I've realized who is and isn't a true friend. What I have discovered in my real friends is that they care for me and they want me to be happy. They'll tell me when they think I'm doing something wrong, but they won't have that hinge on our relationsihp. And throughout this time I've been having with things, I've realized that those are the people that are my true friends.
But God isn't going to come down from above and tell me what's real. I have to find it myself. And people will tell me things from either direction and it will all be unreliable. Why? Because it's all from people. So this person has to rediscover God differently.
So I've decided, starting this year, that I will love myself more and not feel like a horrible person every time I make a mistake. I'll try and learn more from those mistakes to never repeat them. I will also find that balance of God and religion along with living my life. The so-called friends who don't like that can stop being my friends if I really mean that little to them.
So far, I'm still seeking my balance and I'm on a quest for happiness. I've been unhappy for some time and lately it's just gotten worse. Things are all new now and getting restarted. With that restart I must dawn a better attitude and attain more patience.
I have also realized that in this world we are all alone. Yes, we have friends, lovers, family, but they can't always be there for you. My family has been here for me as much as they can, but they can only go so far. For my friends, it's the same. For my boyfriend, he can only be there so much. But I now know that I can not and should not depend on him completely. It's just too much pressure for him and I know that now. It's sad because I can't depend on building a life with him. I can hope, but if I expect I'll just end up dissapointed. Wherever life is going with him, I don't know. I'm saddened because things are changed and continue to change.
A new job, working on fixing a relationship that is very broken, finishing school, and mending things with my family are things I must do now. But above all, I must take care of myself more than I ever have before. If I don't, no one else will and I know this now.
So all I can do is work on myself and being a better person and being on my own. If anyone else wants to join me in my life, great. But I can't count on it. I can only count on God and myself.
And that means I have to stop thinking that God hates me.
